{"id":5471,"date":"2015-01-22T14:21:09","date_gmt":"2015-01-22T21:21:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/?p=5471"},"modified":"2016-04-07T15:51:32","modified_gmt":"2016-04-07T22:51:32","slug":"1-14","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/?p=5471","title":{"rendered":"– 1 –"},"content":{"rendered":"

There is a terrible flaw in the marvelous immortality elixir of Amelia Friedman. Drink of it and you can live forever \u2014 but five hundred years later, Heaven will send a terrible finger to destroy you. And even if you survive the finger, Heaven will send a wind and fire to destroy you five hundred years after that!<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s<\/em> no good,\u201d says Amelia Friedman.<\/p>\n

She tosses the diagrams into the corner. She bundles the ingredients back into the secret compartment in her desk. She stares aimlessly at the publicity portrait of Drake Steverns, man of legend, that she keeps on the wall above her.<\/p>\n

Then she straightens.<\/p>\n

\u201cRight, then!\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

She packs a bag.<\/p>\n

She goes out to her car. She enchants it to drive on water. She leaves a note pinned to the refrigerator for her children, because she is a responsible parent. Then she tears out to sea to find a better path.<\/p>\n

An even more<\/em> marvelous alchemical elixir!<\/p>\n

Immortality, without a flaw!<\/p>\n

She explains this to a seal that is lolling about uselessly near a truck stop. There aren\u2019t many truck stops out in the middle of the sea so possibly this is actually a tiny island.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t let a finger squish me,\u201d explains Amelia Friedman. \u201cI have children to think of!\u201d<\/p>\n

The seal barks at her.<\/p>\n

She inflicts it with the curse of language. It grumbles at her. It can talk now, but it doesn\u2019t have anything to say!<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s ridiculous, seal,\u201d sighs Amelia.<\/p>\n

She fuels up using an alchemical extraction of the nearby island. She stomps on the gas and races out over the sea. For a moment she thinks she sees cop car lights behind her but after a while realizes it\u2019s just the distant red glow of a seal, discovering fire.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s<\/em> never going to cause trouble for anybody,\u201d she explains.<\/p>\n

In the northern wastes in her parka she revels with the polar bears. They attempt to eat her. This does not succeed!<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not that easy,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

She holds them off with her marvelous wrist-mounted anti-bear device.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not even my<\/em> device!\u201d she laughs. \u201cIt was made by my son Tom!\u201d<\/p>\n

She delves into dark and buried cities. She goes where an Amelia Friedman ought not go.<\/p>\n

Eventually she settles in against the back of a large, tamed polar bear. She argues with it about immortality.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think five hundred years,\u201d says the polar bear, \u201cis quite enough.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s nonsense,\u201d says Amelia.<\/p>\n

It stretches its claws. It rakes the ice. It yawns. \u201cIf I could live for five hundred years,\u201d says the polar bear, \u201cI could grow large enough and strong enough to eat the continental shelf.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat isn\u2019t necessary,\u201d says Amelia.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI too have known the dream of eating all the layers of the earth\u2019s crust and mantle,\u201d says Amelia, \u201cbut it turns out to be less glamorous than you would expect. The rocks are differentiated but they are not actually good<\/em> at being their various flavors, and it\u2019s all really annoyingly hard upon the teeth.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh,\u201d says the polar bear. It glares out at the arctic. \u201cYou have shattered my dreams, Amelia.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s my bad judgment,\u201d the alchemist agrees.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you\u2019re not going to eat everything,\u201d says the bear, \u201cwhat do<\/em> you plan to live for so many years for?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t really need<\/em> to,\u201d Amelia says. She shivers. She pulls her parka in closer.<\/p>\n

\u201cThen \u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI just wanted to make something perfect,\u201d the alchemist explains.<\/p>\n

But she doesn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s not what happens.<\/p>\n

Instead she goes to America. She adds reverted cinnabar and a living mandrake root to an unattended Slurpee machine. She creates a swirly Heaven-defying sludge.<\/p>\n

\u201cI am the Eternal Earthly Glory!\u201d cries the sludge. \u201cThe Blue-Green Slurpee Sage! I shall topple Heaven and the legally appointed authorities of the United States of America! And all shall love me and despair!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, dear,\u201d says Amelia Friedman.<\/p>\n

That isn\u2019t perfection.<\/p>\n

That isn\u2019t perfection at all!<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There is a terrible flaw in the marvelous immortality elixir of Amelia Friedman. Drink of it and you can live forever \u2014 but five hundred years later, Heaven will send a terrible finger to destroy you. And even if you survive the finger, Heaven will send a wind and fire to destroy you five hundred […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":4645,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[31],"tags":[],"series":[50],"class_list":["post-5471","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-vidars-boot-chapter-0-5-glory","series-vidars-boot"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/Icon_Jewel_NoBG.png","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5471","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5471"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5471\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6114,"href":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5471\/revisions\/6114"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4645"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5471"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5471"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5471"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fseries&post=5471"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}