The sun sinks down to the horizon. It touches against the mountains and the sea. It would totally set them on fire and make the world into a shining bonfire of sunlight except that the world is actually extremely far away.<\/p>\n
It\u2019d like<\/em> to set them on fire, maybe.<\/p>\n Not to be mean. Not because it would hurt anybody. Just because it would shine so brilliantly, burn so gloriously, you would look at that light and it would lift <\/em>you, it would inspire <\/em>you, it would burn through your soul and set you free.<\/p>\n That gleaming light \u2014 that burning in the earth, the sky, and the sea \u2014<\/p>\n You\u2019d look at it and it would make you happy<\/em>, your heart would be laughing, and then it would ignite you in a firestorm, instantly flash-fry you, and leave you dead in one great charcoal pouf. You\u2019d be like a marshmallow somebody dropped into a campfire, so smoky! and so sweet!<\/p>\n The sun doesn\u2019t actually do that, though.<\/p>\n It\u2019s really, really far away.<\/p>\n The light of that sun \u2014 a few years, and eight minutes, later \u2014 catches on the laminated badge of a janitor. He\u2019s mopping the floors in some City Hall, in some City, somewhere in Virginia.<\/p>\n He\u2019s an ordinary man, just an ordinary man, but his heart is pure.<\/p>\n He looks up.<\/p>\n He squints.<\/p>\n Amelia Friedman has verged suddenly onto the scene. She is rushing past him. She\u2019s running to get a hunting license so she can legally kill a swirly, Heaven-defying sludge. She\u2019s not paying any attention to the janitor. She doesn\u2019t know who he is. Not until he stops her mid-step with an awful glower.<\/p>\n It\u2019s like a toad\u2019s!<\/p>\n She stumbles. She staggers. That glower practically knocks her over \u2014 that and running, while in heels, on a (clearly-labeled) wet floor.<\/p>\n She skids. She spins. She lands.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, dear,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n She turns her head.<\/p>\n Jeremiah Clean glowers at her.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s just,\u201d Amelia explains, instantly reverting to the defeated attitude of a zero to twenty-two year old girl being glowered at by a toad \u2014 this having been her origin story \u2014 \u201cthat I wanted to make a delicious Slurpee of eternal life.\u201d<\/p>\n Jeremiah Clean blinks once. His glower relaxes. He shakes his head a little, once.<\/p>\n \u201cStart earlier,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n \u201cOh,\u201d she says. \u201cSorry.\u201d<\/p>\n She gets to her feet. She smiles at him. \u201cHi.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt would be cleaner,\u201d he says, \u201cto say \u2018hello.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHello,\u201d she says. \u201cI\u2019m Amelia Friedman. I\u2019m a renegade alchemist. Now I\u2019m on the run to the law! Or at least the licensing board. To get a hunting license. To kill a swirly Heaven-defying sludge!\u201d<\/p>\n Jeremiah Clean looks down at the floor. He looks up at the ceiling. Finally, he goes back to his mopping. He mops until he can stare at his own clean reflection in the floor.<\/p>\n \u201cStart in the middle,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd then,\u201d says Amelia Friedman, roughly subdividing her life by inaccurately estimated page count, \u201cthe doctor said, \u2018parasitic snake DNA,\u2019 and . . .\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe Slurpee,<\/em>\u201d says Jeremiah Clean.<\/p>\n \u201cOh.\u201d<\/p>\n Amelia gives him a repentant grin. \u201cWell,\u201d she says. \u201cI put reverted cinnabar and a living mandrake root in an unattended Slurpee machine. I hope that\u2019s OK.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThose \u2014 those are dangerous contaminants, Ms. Friedman,\u201d says Jeremiah Clean.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, there wasn\u2019t a toad,\u201d Amelia says. \u201cSo it\u2019s OK. It\u2019s OK to do things if there aren\u2019t any toads glaring at you about them.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat was not good judgment.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s why I\u2019m a renegade,\u201d Amelia says. \u201cMy judgment\u2019s never any good. But my genius! It defies all boundaries!\u201d<\/p>\n She snaps her fingers. She points at him. \u201cName a boundary,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n \u201cCleanliness,\u201d he says. \u201cUncleanliness.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSpilled soap,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n Jeremiah Clean shudders all over. He gives her a horrified look.<\/p>\n \u201cSee?\u201d Amelia spins about. Then she stops because there\u2019s just a bit too much glowering in his look. Then she continues despite deciding to stop because the floor is still quite wet. In fact she almost spins out. She recovers her balance using secrets of renegade alchemy. \u201cAnyway,\u201d she says. \u201cIt was quite terrifying. I did not get a delicious Slurpee of eternal life at all. I got a swirly Heaven-defying sludge. And that is everything. That is the complete story. There is no more.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI see.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI left the handle down,\u201d Amelia confesses. He has pressed her too hard. He has broken her with his insidious interrogation! \u201cI did not mean to. I didn\u2019t mean not to. I had no intentions on the subject. It simply happened, like water slipping through a sieve. And down it dripped, drop by drop, bit by blue-green bit. I turned to look at it. I gaped in horror. I said, \u2018No! Bad sludge!\u2019<\/p>\n \u201cBut it only reared up, and took three squelchy steps, and cried, \u2018I am the Eternal Earthly Glory, the Blue-Green Slurpee Sage! I shall topple Heaven and the legally appointed authorities of the United States of America! And all shall love me and despair!\u201d<\/p>\n Tears trickle down Amelia\u2019s cheeks. Jeremiah catches them with his mop before they hit the floor.<\/p>\n \u201cThat is an astonishing story, Ms. Friedman,\u201d says Jeremiah Clean.<\/p>\n \u201cI am astonishing,\u201d Amelia agrees sadly. \u201cPlease stop glowering at me. You are not a toad but it brings back the most awful memories. I do intend to hunt it down and destroy it, though. Bang! Right in the . . . vitality! It may escape into the sewer the first time or two and cultivate a different color of life, but ultimately I will emerge triumphant and it shall be the Eternal Earthly Glory, the Blue-Green Slurpee Sage, that splurt down from the handle of life into the uttermost abyss of death.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Ms. Friedman,\u201d says Jeremiah Clean. \u201cI don\u2019t think that will be necessary.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cReally?\u201d she says. She brightens.<\/p>\n \u201cYour heart has led you to me,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n \u201cThat,\u201d she clarifies, \u201cwas my feet.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI will resolve the matter,\u201d says Jeremiah Clean.<\/p>\n And so he does.<\/p>\n There is nothing that can stop him, not even the Eternal Earthly Glory, because his heart is pure.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The sun sinks down to the horizon. It touches against the mountains and the sea. It would totally set them on fire and make the world into a shining bonfire of sunlight except that the world is actually extremely far away. It\u2019d like to set them on fire, maybe. Not to be mean. Not because […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":4645,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[31],"tags":[],"series":[50],"class_list":["post-5475","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-vidars-boot-chapter-0-5-glory","series-vidars-boot"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/Icon_Jewel_NoBG.png","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5475","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5475"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5475\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6112,"href":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5475\/revisions\/6112"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4645"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5475"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5475"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5475"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/books.hitherby.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fseries&post=5475"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}